it's not always right to keep it to yourself

      What is the hardest topic to talk about in society these days? Politics? Religion? Relationships? Sexual orientation? Public acceptance? In all honesty there’s no real answer to this question, the reason being is because to each individual person on this planet one thing may be harder to talk about than others. You may be in a relationship in which you may have EVERYTHING in common with the other person except for one thing, let’s say you believe in communication being the most important factor to a successful relationship, but your partner believes that that respect is more important. Although the two of you would right, you would still try and prove the other wrong by using facts or experience from past relationships. As I said, everyone has their topic in which the level of difficulty is higher than most, talking about my relationship with my partner is easy for me but talking about abuse…well now that’s something I’m pretty sure most people would agree is difficult. Not because they don’t know what to say, how to react, how to help…no, sadly one of the main reasons it’s difficult to talk about is because a lot of the time society doesn’t want to listen to it for whatever ridiculous reason. I speak about this from personal experience, I have been abused myself: mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically…. you name it.

      In the relationship I was in back in a few years ago (for an 8-month period), everything started as normal as any other relationship. We were happy and thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. At what would turn out to be close to the end of the relationship everything started to aggressive, if I wanted to go with friends I would have to keep the other person updated as to when I would be home or who I was with. There would also be sometimes where they would start saying things like “are you talking to your other “partner”? I wouldn’t blame you if you were, you deserve better…” guilting me to stay with them to boost their own confidence. My cousin was graduating from high school that June and I promised him I would go to the graduation, my partner originally said they would go with me but then as the day got closer I still wanted to go but they suddenly didn’t, and I wasn’t going to force it. One thing that I was told, that should have been a red flag, was that if I went, I could forget about making any plans in the future and I should pack my things (we were living together at the time). I went to the graduation regardless thinking that this was just some fit because they may have forgotten about it and I didn’t. Fast forward to when we broke up, this is when the real mess began because even though we were broken up we were still living together, but just because we were living together didn’t mean anything should happen sexually right? Well, the other party didn’t see it that way.

      I wasn’t ready to move back home because there were still too many issues there, so I stayed with them for a while and during the time we lived together but were NOT together, they would still act as if we were behind closed doors. I didn’t want to but at the time it seemed like maybe we would get back together, but we didn’t. The more I tried to talk the more aggressive they would get, I would get pinched on that flappy part of the arm and the inner thighs and have bruises left on them constantly, I would constantly be threatened to be thrown out if I didn’t do as commanded, I would be forced into sex even if I was not in the mood, I found out that they would still attempt to have sex with me while I slept. I would be told that I had no one who understood me but them so where would I go if I left? Who would I trust? When I finally sucked it up and went home, I thought it was all done…. not even close.

      I lost my mom a few months after I moved back, and it was heartbreaking, I couldn’t focus, and the former partner knew this because they were there with me but that still didn’t stop them from pushing sex on me. Every time there was an opening there they were, and there they went again taking advantage of the state I was in. When I finally said enough, I was nearly run over by their car because they didn’t like that they were no longer getting easy sex or have control. I never told anyone about any of this because of the fear I had towards them. I learned later that they would twist things around to where they were the victim, they did the “right things”, I was the bad guy in the story they were telling. I remember every bruise I got from them, I would lie to my mom about how I got them. Every excuse I made as to why I couldn’t go visit friends or family, I would be told to just shut them out if they didn’t “believe” me, and I did. The excuses I made for the times they would lose their temper and drive off at dangerous speeds or punch holes or dents into cars or walls….it was ridiculous.

      I could go on about everything else that happened but for the sake of keeping things somewhat short, I’ll move on. My point in this is that, when it comes to your safety or the safety of others the first thing you need to do as a “bystander” is look for the signs. If you suspect your friend or relative or other form of loved one is in some form of danger, you need to ask them “is everything ok?” most people in an abusive relationship will show some sort of obvious sign like a sudden look of fear or shock on their face, hesitation/avoidance/refusal to answer the question, fiddling with their fingers, playing with their hair, suddenly being nervous and starts looking around as if they suspect being spied on, gets unexpectedly defensive and make an attempt to leave. There are also those who have, unfortunately, been in the toxic relationship so long, they learned how to prevent these signs from showing, so they act as normal as they always do but you must keep insisting that you are there for them no matter what. Hopefully one day, they’ll confide in you and ask for help OUT of the relationship.

      Abuse is not something that needs to be pushed to the back of a shelf to allow it to become a dust collector, it’s something that needs to be put up front and ready to fix. Our society is constantly saying that violence is never the answer and that we need to stop letting it happen. I agree, I’m sure we all do, but we can’t do that if we don’t know where most of the violence is. We only see or know what we see in social media or in the news, or they are on a daily basis told that it can’t happen to guys because they have to be “strong and tough it out”, or simply because “you shouldn’t have done (and/or said) what you did” causing you to be the one who “started the mess in the first place”. It’s sad, but there are some people who would use a medical or mental condition as a reasoning to the actions of the abuser, some people say they may be bipolar, some say they have Dissociative identity disorder (DID), also known as multiple personality disorder, but have no professional or certified doctor confirm the diagnosis. I heard a story one time at one of those public speaker convention things where a couple were in a relationship for years and within the first year of that relationship the guy had mentioned to the girl that he had Asperger Syndrome (a form of autism) but that he hoped it wouldn’t affect their relationship. She assured him that it would not because she was best friends with someone who has a sibling with autism, and of course once his mom knew that the girl knew the condition she confirmed that a family doctor had diagnosed him as a child. There would be sudden outbursts of anger at the most ridiculous things and sometimes overreact with others, but he and his mother insisted that it was because of the mental condition and that he doesn’t mean it. Later, when the girl finally managed to get away from him and time goes by where they had not spoken to each other, she thought that it was all finally behind her. Unfortunately, it was not. About 8 months later he contacts her and they get together to talk and he apologized to her for the torment he had put her through and were about to go their own ways, every time she tried to walk away he would stop her and try to keep the conversation going and when she finally told him that they talked and there was no more to say and she wanted to just go home, he pinned her down against the wall of the closest building. He told her that they would be done talking when he was done. Thankfully there was someone nearby who came to her aid and he was arrested.

       There are way too many more things that I would love to say when it comes to this but there isn’t enough time in the day or space on this “box” so I think I’ll save more thoughts on this for next time, but I want to try and encourage you to please take time to look around you when you go out and about on your day. Even the little things can sometimes turn out to be a big help. Below I have some links that I found before, during and after I finished typing this mess up and hope that you find some of the information helpful if you find yourself in either the shoes of someone who can help another, or someone who needs help yourself. I’m not going to lie, my grammar if probably horrible but I don’t really care, the more important part is that I want to try and help people in need however I can, even if it’s just with simple text. I’ve lived in fear most of my adult life and sadly I am still going through the struggles from the past that refuse to leave me alone. But I am doing everything I can to move forward and not let it get me down. I hope that my posts help out at least one person one day, I will continue to post my thoughts on the topics I feel may help someone who might be struggling with something because that’s the kind of person I am. Have a good day/night/whatever applies to you 😊

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm#speak

 https://www.refinery29.com/domestic-violence-statistics-2017

https://www.verywellmind.com/child-abuse-statistics-2633350

https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome

Make a plan, take a trip!

To me, this is the middle of spring break because my nephew and younger brother are now out of school for the week. so, when you hear spring break what is the first thing that comes to mind? well to most it means party, party, party...but how about this, spend some time with family and friends and go on a trip together. me, i'm in my hometown in mexico with my dad and my cousin visting family because i don't get to see them everyday and they wanted to see how my belly is growing. speaking of the belly, today i am at week 24 day 3 and my little girl is actively kicking and moving around in her temporary room. people who've had more than one child tell me that i look small compared to when they were pregnant, WELL DOI!!! this is my first child i'm not going to be as big as someone who's body has already gone through something like this because my body is not "stretched" or has the experience of having a little one being it's occupant lol. Point is when you have time to spend with family, you should hang out with them because you never know when you'll lose someone and maybe regret not spending enough time with them while they were around.

Do something fun/funny to make yourself smile

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a day to smile at random things in life that you see or that you do. Try one of these little jokes but please be smart and only do something that wont get you in trouble of any kind.

1) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.

2) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"

3) Run up to someone random on the street and slap them with a loaf of bread.

4) Walk up to a small child that resembles you, and tell them that you are them from the future.

5) Put a Dora doll in the middle of Walmart. When someone tries to pick it up yell "SWIPER NO SWIPING".

6) Go to McDonalds and ask for a happy meal with extra happy.

7) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.

8) Press 'LOL!' if you like British people 4 their accent 'WAT?!' 4 their jokes, done 4 way they look!

9) Go to pet smart and buy bird seed. Then ask the clerk how long it will take the birds to grow.

10) Go to McDonalds and ask for directions to burger king.

11) Go to a library and ask for a book on how to read.

12) Go jump on a random guy's back and yell (THE SKY IS FALLING RUN MAN RUN) and see what happens.

13) Go up to a random lady with a daughter and say her son is adorable.

14) Come late to school and when the teacher asks why say your pet rock had a seizure.

15) Run through a police station and yell “I finally escaped from prison!".

16) Throw a small plastic ball at some body and then yell "get in your ball you stupid Pokémon.

17) Go up to random people at the mall, show them your ID, and say, "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?!"

18) Dress up as Ronald McDonald and go apply for a job at burger king.

19) Hide in a public bathroom stall and when someone walks in, say "Ah young one, Welcome to Narnia."".

20) Buy an ice cream, ask the cashier if they believe in unicorns then squish the cone on your forehead.

21) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

22) Follow strangers around a store and spray everything they touch with disinfectant.

23) go in a Dressing room at Wal-Mart, and yell “OH NO, There's any toilet paper left!”

24) Make "No Dumping - Violators Will Be Prosecuted" signs and put them in public bathroom stalls.

25) Go to Wal-Mart and hide in a bathroom stall when someone opens it say WELCOME TO NARNIA!!

26) Fill your mouth with whipped cream, and then run down the street screaming "I HAVE RABIES".

27) Take a stuffed animal to the vet.

28) Find a random person on a bench; sit on their lap and say, "My mummy says I'm special."

29) In a public place, hold up a box of cheerios and yell "FREE DONUT SEEDS!”

30) Go to mc. Donald’s and ask for fries without the potatoes.

31) Go to an Italian restaurant dressed up as Mario. See what happens.

32) Make a cardboard car and wait in a carwash line, acting if everything’s normal.

33) Ring a random doorbell and when they answer just stare at them.

34) Go to a pet shop, buy birdseed, and ask how long it will take to grow.

35) Drive a tricycle past a cop while drinking a juice pouch screaming "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME".

36) Walk into Sea World with a fishing pole.

37) Go to a horror movie and when everyone’s quiet scream as loud as you can... see who jumps.

38) Pick up a bag of sliced turkey in a store and scream WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!!!!!

39) Convince a small child that his/her shadow is pure evil, and will eat them if they don't run.

40) Dress up as harry potter and stalk someone all day shouting random spells at them.

41) Go to McDonalds dressed like a gangster and say you feel like a princess.

42) Collect a lot of bouncy balls and "accidentally drop them in a crowded elevator.

43) Inhale some helium, walk up behind a little kid, and say "Follow the yellow brick road!”

44) Buy a package of fish brings it to the vet and screams its dead!

45) Name your hair George, then go to the salon and be upset that they killed him.

46) Hire a taxi. When the man asks you where you want to go, say "To infinity, and beyond".

47) Walk into an elevator. When someone gets on, make a face and scream "Your one of THEM!"

48) Hide in a clothing rack in Wal-Mart and when somebody goes by YELL "PICK ME PICK ME".

49) Go to a dressing room wait 5 min and yell "Hey there is no toilet paper in here!!!"

50) Sit in your car and point a hairdryer at people driving by. See if they slow down.

51) Make a scarecrow then put it in your front yard and scream at it to get off of your property.

52) Sit in your parked car with shades on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.

53) Hide in the clothing rack at Wal-Mart and yell when someone walks by, "PICK ME!!!!"

54) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.

55) Blow up a balloon, then ask someone to pop it, when they do, start screaming.

56) Mail a doughnut to the police officers.

57) Walk into a gun show and yell has got a gun.

58) Draw a face on an egg, put him on a wall, push him off and scream, "Humpty, NO!!!"

59) Go to weight watchers with a bag of cookies.

60) Make a bunch of LOST PET posters for your pet brother, and see how many people actually call you

61) Hide in one of your cupboards and when someone opens it shout, "Welcome to Narnia!"

62) get into a taxi, when asked where the destination is, yell FOLLOW THAT CAR! And point at a car.

63) Dress up like a grandma and break dance in Wal-Mart.

64) When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" "I Won! I Won!"

65) Sit on a curb with a stuffed animal and scream at it about how it ruined your life.

66) Go into a public bathroom and start singing "Taking Care of Business" very loudly.

67) Call a telephone company and ask them if they want to buy a telephone.

68) Buy a pet fish...return the bag/tank it came in without the fish and say it tasted good...

69) Put a picture of a dog up on a dating site.

70) Sell your half-eaten baked potato on e-bay, see how many people offer, lolls.

71) Go to McDonalds and ask for a sad meal.

72) When in an elevator with only one other person, stare at them and breathe heavily.

73) Dress up as Ronald McDonald and go to burger king.

74) In a mall shout "hey pervert" and count how many people turn around.

75) Dress up as a Gorilla and go to Wal-Mart and buy a cartful of bananas.

76) Call a chicken place and ask how big there breast are.

77) See if you can get a Wal-Mart clerk to sell you just one M&M.

78) Tie a rock to a string and take it for a walk. Every now and then yell "Bad boy, Fluffy!"

79) Go to Wal-Mart; find a random old guy and yell, "GRANDPA! YOU’RE STILL ALIVE! IT’S A MIRACLE".

80) Throw a book at someone's face and say "You've been face booked!"

81) Ask the manager of a McDonalds where the nearest Burger King is.

82) Go to a restaurant and ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend.

83) Follow a random person around and spay everything they touch with disinfectant.

84) Go up to a really buff man and hug him yelling GRANDMAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

85) Go on American idol and sing SpongeBob songs.

86) Walk around with a blow dryer and ask people if they want a blow job.

87) Go to the store, buy a HUGE diaper, then go up to someone and say you dropped this.

88) Go to Wal-Mart and grab a pineapple. Start yelling, "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE, SPONGEBOB!!”

89) Go into a public place fully clothed and shout, "no-one look I’m naked!"

90) Go to a library, sit really close to someone with a book and say "I can't read."

91) Put a warlike talkie in your mailbox and shout at everyone who walks by.

92) Use an ATM and when the money comes out shout "I Won, I Won!"

93) Tie a balloon to yourself, and scream and run around saying that it is following you.

94) Walk into a group of people chatting casually and then say "Are we going to kill him or what?”

95) Stand in front of a Chinese restaurant and ask everyone who comes out... "Are you a ninja warrior?"

96) Go to Wal-Mart and move a wet floor sign to a carpeted area.

97) When you’re at school and someone talks on the p.a. system say loudly, "I'm hearing those voices again".

98) Spin in a roller chair on a busy sidewalk and when people pass you scream "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!”

99) Buy Bird seed and ask how long it will take for your birds to grow.

100) Go onto a golf course with an air horn and blow it every time someone’s about to hit the ball.

Life’s a challenge, don’t let it keep you down!

I may not be "old and wise" like a lot of people who tell you that life is short and you need to make the best out of a bad situation…hell, I’m not even out of my 20’s yet and I won’t be for a few more years. HOWEVER I will say this: life is way too short to worry about the negativity that might surround your life. You will get hit with challenges that you feel you won’t be able to handle on your own and you know what? That’s ok because there’s a huge chance that you won’t have to face them alone. For example, I am pregnant with a little girl, I am not married or engaged (and neither will happen anytime soon), and things between me and the father are just plain…let’s just say that it’s best he and I stay away from each other. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified and cried myself to sleep every single night because of the guilt I felt, guilt because I feel like I let my dad down and most likely made him think that he failed as a parent to prevent me getting in a situation like this. Now that some time has passed and I am about 16 weeks away from having my little girl, I’ve accepted the fact that I am going to be a mother and, as much as I wish her father and I could somewhat get along it’s not going to happen. It wasn’t until 3 weeks ago that I was truly happy, excited and mentally prepared to have this child because of all the support from my friends and family and also because after losing my mom almost a year ago (4/28/12), there’s been a hole in my heart and in my dad’s (as well as the rest of our family but mostly us it seems) and hearing the news that baby is a baby girl is helping us get through the days a little better.

Every mother out there can tell you that having that first child is one of the biggest challenges in a woman’s life but that’s a perfect example of something that someone doesn’t have to deal with on their own. I wish I could say I knew what a man’s biggest challenge in life is but I can’t because from most guys that I’ve been with I haven’t really been able to see anything that they can relate to, unless of course their biggest challenge is hoping that they are able to provide their families with the things they need or hope to have that chance. I don’t know, so if there are any guys who would like to share a “big challenge in life” thought go for it.

Yes there are some things that we get help with when it comes to life, but there are some things that we need to learn to do on our own. In most cases these things are the ones that will, in one way or another, be life changing either for the better or worse and you can’t let someone else influence you to make a choice because later on you might realize that it’s not something that you wanted but will be too late to change what happens next to fit in to your life the way you’d want it to.

My point is that regardless of what your situation is, be it being bullied because of your weight, sexuality, religion, or pregnancy, the loss of a loved one, or any other struggle in your life you can’t let it take over you. What you should do is find a friend or family member(s) that you can trust and talk to because it’s not good to keep everything bottled in and feel alone. You got to live life to the fullest and enjoy everything that you do because you never know when you might lose the chance to do something that you’ve wanted to do/try. Don’t let bullies make you feel afraid because chances are that they have something going on in their own lives that they aren’t happy about so they take it out on their victims. GET UP AND DUST YOURSELF OFF EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO DO SO, anyone can do it if they really want it so don’t ever let anyone convince you that you can’t.

The one you love...

it's sweet that the one you love would want to fight to stay with you, but they shouldn't have to fight to stay with you. The one you love has to be able to feel that not matter how bad things between the two of you, you'll be ok in the end. The one you love has to trust that if someone else comes along and tries to take you away, you'll push them off to the side to get to the one you love. But more importantly, the one you love HAS to be the one and only person you can truly say they are the best friend you never thought would make you feel beautiful when you have tears running down your dirt covered face, who makes you come out of your shell and turn into an even better person then you ever thought possible...then again, you should never have to have someone to make you feel like that. You should be confident enough and make yourself feel that way every single day that way when the day comes that you find that special best friend, all those things he will make you feel, will mean even more to you because now you know someone else sees the beautiful person you've seen all your life.

WELCOME

Ok well, let me just say welcome to my blog!!! If you're like me and don't like to deal with people who enjoy acting like they're royalty and they think they are better than everyone else, I think we'll get along just fine. I see people as equals and I feel that they should be treated as such, no more and no less. There is no such thing as others being better than you unless you let them make you feel like you're not worth it. I've learned from personal experience that the world is full of people who are just out to get you and make your life miserable, and what I've learned from that is to stand up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward with your head held high and be proud of who you are and show everyone who pushed you down that you are stronger than they are.